Ever wonder what really makes a relationship last? According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, love isn’t just about chemistry or compatibility—it’s a mix of three essential ingredients. His Triangular Theory of Love breaks it down into a simple, powerful model that helps us understand how relationships form, grow, or fall apart.
In this article, we’ll dive into what the Triangular Theory of Love is, how it applies to real-life relationships, and how you can use it to build deeper, more lasting connections.
What Is the Triangular Theory of Love?
Developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg in the late 1980s, the Triangular Theory of Love suggests that love has three core components:
- Intimacy – Emotional closeness, trust, and connection
- Passion – Physical attraction, romantic feelings, and sexual desire
- Commitment – The decision to stay with someone and make the relationship work over time
When these three elements are present in a balanced way, you get what Sternberg calls “consummate love”—the most complete and enduring form of love.
The Three Components Explained
1. Intimacy
This is the emotional heart of the relationship. It’s about feeling close, bonded, and supported. Intimacy grows over time and is built through shared experiences, deep conversations, vulnerability, and mutual respect.
Examples:
- Talking openly about your thoughts and feelings
- Feeling safe and accepted with your partner
- Trusting each other completely
2. Passion
Passion involves physical attraction and sexual chemistry, but it also includes the excitement, infatuation, and energy that come with falling in love.
Examples:
- Strong romantic or sexual desire
- Feeling thrilled to be around the person
- Longing for closeness when apart
3. Commitment
Commitment is the decision to love someone and maintain that love over time, through ups and downs. It’s about staying loyal, choosing your partner daily, and working through challenges together.
Examples:
- Making long-term plans together
- Choosing to stay even during hard times
- Prioritizing the relationship
The 7 Types of Love in the Triangular Theory
Depending on which components are present or missing, a relationship can fall into one of seven types:
| Type of Love | Components Present |
| Liking | Intimacy only |
| Infatuation | Passion only |
| Empty Love | Commitment only |
| Romantic Love | Intimacy + Passion |
| Companionate Love | Intimacy + Commitment |
| Fatuous Love | Passion + Commitment |
| Consummate Love | Intimacy + Passion + Commitment |
Consummate love is often seen as the ideal, but many strong relationships fluctuate between different types over time.
How the Triangular Theory Applies to Real Relationships
Understanding where your relationship stands can help you:
- Identify what’s missing: Is there deep commitment but no intimacy? Or passion without connection?
- Work toward balance: Focus on building the weaker areas while appreciating the strengths you already have.
- Navigate challenges: Relationships evolve. Losing passion doesn’t mean love is gone—it may just need to be rekindled.
How to Strengthen Each Component
Boosting Intimacy
- Have regular heart-to-heart conversations
- Express appreciation and affection daily
- Spend quality time together without distractions
Rekindling Passion
- Try new experiences together
- Surprise each other with romantic gestures
- Make time for physical closeness and fun
Deepening Commitment
- Reaffirm your long-term goals as a couple
- Be reliable and consistent in your actions
- Support each other during stressful times
Final Thoughts: Building a Love That Lasts
Love is not a one-size-fits-all experience—it changes, evolves, and grows. The Triangular Theory of Love gives you a framework to understand those changes and consciously build a relationship that is emotionally fulfilling, physically satisfying, and deeply committed.
So, ask yourself: What kind of love are we building—and how can we make it stronger?